StJoans Workshop: Jazz

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In this news article: Results of somestrangebirds’s Workshop on Ekprhases |:star: StJoan's Workshop: Jazz :star:| First time you've heard of Writers-Workshop? This section is for you. | Are you ready to host your own workshop?</i>

Results of somestrangebirds’s Workshop on Ekphrases

A word from Writers-Workshop: Another excellent workshop. We seem to have a few regulars (if one can gauge that from two workshops) as well as a couple of new participants. Thank you for joining us!

somestrangebirds's workshop on ekphrasis was challenging: writers were expected to read quite a bit, choose their subjects carefully and also to choose the perfect form for their poem. We were excited to read poems of various kinds, ranging from free verse to villanelle to ballad.

Many thanks to somestrangebirds for having taken the time to read the entries and comment despite his busy schedule. :heart:

:star: Special Mentions: inspiredimperfection and J-Jammer for their thoughtful comments on other entries to the workshop. Erinamis also left a couple of excellent comments, even though they had not participated in the workshop. :thumbsup:

somestrangebirds's Top Picks:

Birth of a Muse by Amy-Louise

I was thrilled to see someone using Brancusi for this excercise, since his work has such a history of complicity with poetry (especially his "spheres"). I think the form here is brave, but it really does lead to the poem's downfall. You have a lot of forced rhyme ("gird" and "interred" in particular). The metre isn't bad for the most part, but does have a few jolts--"eventually" in the second stanza, for example. The constraints also seem to result in some stale phrasing: "anxious heart", "unfurling slow", "some concentration on his part" and so on. But the narrative here is nice enough and could work fairly well with some strong polishing.

She Dazzles Me... by batousaijin

A famously tricky form: the villanelle. An attempt at it is in itself praise-worthy. I liked the notion of blood distorting the speaker's sight, and therefore accounting for the sepia tones. The form causes problems, though, with some very stilted language: "challenge gives me fight", "whispered lovings(!)", "I love the plight / of she and me", and so on. "Sepia" is a bit of a tricky word in this metre, but you just about get away with it as a trochee. You have some creative rhyme choices ("Her smallest crust of bread can down my flight"), but lines like that do risk feeling as if their only justification for being is their ability to add another rhyme to the mix. In this rather poetic (over-poetic, really, in that the speaker sounds like someone who ought to have died when Keats did) poem, "id" really seems out of sorts.

Makeup by CrystalSeeker

Concrete poetry usually leaves me cold, but with the added element of ekphrasis, this is actually quite interesting. The poem is a fun little look at a character. Another glance at the punctuation wouldn't hurt. I like the sly rhymes a lot, though even here you have to be wary of forcing them. "That's no lie", for example, doesn't really do anything other than rhyme with the prior "high". There's also something curious (and probably the most serious flaw in the poem for me) going on with the sense of motion that ought to exist, especially in the second half, and the lack of interesting verbs. The rhyme and rhythm seem to be in conflict with the sense, which is an interesting trick but doesn't really help you out here.

Objectified Projection by inspiredimperfection

Probably my biggest qualm with this piece is to do with the narration. The narrator seems to hover simultaneously outside the painting, looking in and considering the woman in it, and also to be capable of making judgements from an interior position: "Resenting the attempts to iconify your soul" etc. In other words, there's too much telling going on rather than showing. Now, in ekphrasis telling is often what generates the most interesting tropes, because the painting already does a lot of showing of its own. But there has to be a balance, and that narration has to be consistent: is the on-looker wondering about what she is thinking, or ought the narrator be the woman herself, etc. There's also a bit of wordiness here (for lack of a better word - hah) and so things come off a little stilted. I think that is something to do with your lines, too: some enjambement might help. And some punctuation, please. I really liked "abused blues". Good stuff.

:star: Letter to Mondrian by dr3amup

My favourite! Very bold to take on such an abstract piece--and rather than succumb to its vagueties, the poem turns it into a clear narrative piece. I like the tongue-in-cheek tone of much of this (at least, that's how I read it): "I very much desire" on its own line like that, "And perhaps a code of pink", the "Happiness department squad" and so on. Where this flails a little bit is in digging a bit too far into the big abstracts towards the end, especially with the "worth of freedom" bit. More wry humour and less blatant profundity would only help. And: punctuate! You could have punctuation disappearing towards the end if you want that effect of imprisonment turning to greater freedom. But really, that's more than a little familiar. Better to just punctuate outright.

All the entries are listed here:

Birth of a Muse by Amy--Louise
She Dazzles Me... by batousaijin
Makeup by CrystalSeeker
Water and Sunlight - Ekphrasis by EvenAfterTwelve
Objectified Projection by inspiredimperfection
Mourning Sole by J-Jammer
Going to Waste by Jupiter-Lightning
Pottery Class by kittyfantastic24
train 2 by legna69
Yet to Be Titled by littlemissmoody
refuge by Queen-of-Marigold
Semele by ria88
Letter to Mondrian by dr3amup
Dance by xCamix


StJoan’s Workshop: Jazz

They say behind every man there is a good woman. Behind the literature community, there is one exceptional woman and she comes in the form of a very dedicated and pro-active gallery director! StJoan is a huge promoter of published deviants and even hosts a section of lulu.com for those who have managed this feat. This includes her own work; ‘The Betrayers Promise’ .

StJoan, whose name is not Joan, but actually ‘Ali’ has a fantastic Workshop task for us- a free for all! This is out first free for all workshop, and if you are unsure what this means, it is explained in our FAQ .

:iconstjoan: “The challenge is Jazz”.

“Whatever do I mean? I’m looking for pace in pieces, pieces that move and groove with a style that is undoubtedly intentional and skilfully executed. We’re focusing on the tempo and mood to create and overall tone.”

“Take your inspiration from the lessons of jazz music and the influence it has left on our culture. Listen to the music, analyze it, and incorporate it into your piece, note what devices invoke feeling in you. Be playful in your word choice, utilize the tools of jazz music, and adapt them for you writing. How you do that is part of the challenge.”

But Joan! That is for those poets!

“Like prose cannot have a movement. It does, it should; it is all about sentence control. Remember that different lengths of dialog or description can greatly influence the mood of the piece and the tempo at which it is read.
Your subject is whatever you choose but I want to be able to feel the music of the piece. I want to be sure of it. The clarity of the movement of the piece is most important, to ensure this focus greatly on the tone of the piece and the mood of the setting and characters.”

A note from Writers-Workshop: Here are some rules you must follow:

:pointr: This is a Free for all challenge, which means poetry or prose can be submitted.
:pointr: Your poem may have a maximum of 45 lines, whilst prose can be up to 2000 words.
:pointr: Your writing must be submitted as a new deviation or scrap. Please try to refrain from using an older piece of work.
:pointr: Give your piece a good edit before you send it in. And, of course, have fun writing! :)


How to enter:

After submitting your entry as a new deviation or scrap, send us a note with a link to your writing. Include the subject line "JAZZ" in your note. The deadline is midnight December 18, 2007. All times are set for GMT

Ps. For all those Brits who are old like BeccaJS and watched the fast show… “Jazz club… Nice!”


First time you've heard of Writers-Workshop? This section is for you.


Writers-Workshop is a brand new literature community that focuses on the development of a writer. We intend to provide a non-competitive workshop environment on dA, as well as to push good, polished writing over winning prizes or "networking".

Workshops will be conducted every fortnight; prose, poetry and free-for-all sessions will be rotated.

As you might have noticed, our first three workshops are being/have been conducted by Literature GDs. We'd like to thank the GDs for their support, encouragement and participation. All three of them have produced some brilliant workshops with great variation and their support has given us a positive launch for the future. Thom, James, Ali- thank you so much! :hug:

:pointr: To learn about our project, try our FAQ sectionor our Original launch news article

:pointr: Want to know what workshops we have lined up for you? Read our list of upcomming workshops.

:pointr: Take part in GeneratingHype's poll: Which of these dialogue "rules" have you heard?.GeneratingHype  will be conducting a workshop on dialogue in the next prose workshop. So keep a lookout for more polls and forum threads dealing with dialogue; they will lead up to the next workshop exercise on January 2, 2008.

Ready to host a Workshop yourself? </u>

Although we’re booked with workshops from now till February, we are opening up the chance for any of our members to host a workshop! The process involves writing a workshop proposal and also encourages critique between the workshop guest and the participants. If you are interested, please check out our journal about Hosting a Workshop.

Staff

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Amy--Louise's avatar
You people are so freaking awesome to do this for us. I want you to know how much I appreciate this. Life is good.

:heart:Amy